when u feel old, what does that mean
the passing of physical age,
the weariness of the daily grind
or the responsibilities upon your shoulders

whats growing up?
in one aspect, i feel.that naive, blissful childhood bubble bursts,
when you encounter death and dying.
when you see the sadness of the world around you.
when you finally understand.

that's been pretty evident lately.. in my job.. the families' tears
the sorrow in the brave smile they try to hold
the " how are you?" and " as good as we will be"
the struggle for comprehension and acceptance
the fight we go through to say there is hope
or maybe. there isn't. and you fight for something unobtainable, unreachable
too many deaths, too much sadness
(oncology is never a good ward to work on)
and then there is always that silver ray,
when my patient gets accepted to rehab after 5 mths of being in acute
that happy jig in a circle i do.. in the dept.. with fellow silly physio joining in
that whispered " thank you" from the doctor
"what for" i ask
" for coming"