I have wasted my entire day...

alternating between lazy in bed listening to songs blasting on the computer...
and being at the computer aimlessly surfing...
and writing things that no one would be interested in reading..

comtemplated baking an apple passionfruit butter cake..
too lazy.

guilty guilty jan has promised (quite fervently).. to go for lunch with me tommorow after church AND vic mart..
ha.
she better.

got 3 assignments.. 1 presentation and a test nx week.
don't know
not worried.
it'll get done.
tommorrow.

ate 5 oreos while waiting for mom to finish talking to jan..
amazing dunked in milk*burp*
very mad.. because i lost my peanut butter and chocolate creme oreos..
and had to settle for normal ones found in the cupboard

love don moen.
the honest simple worship that speaks so real
Lord, i wanna love u truly truly.. to be found in You.
To know you more

Lookingforward to tennis tommorrow.
love those exercise endorphins
that make u feel all happy after
and the fun company
and the satisfaction of being able to connect with the ball..*WHACK!*

i realise doing 10 exercise classes this wk helped ALOT.
i was eating double portions all meals...
and still lost weight. *satisfied grin*

have developed a dry hacking cough
boiled 6-7 pots of barley..
been refusing to fall sick.. willing myself mentally...
feel like i'm going to cough my lungs out soon..
and my abdominals are all aching frm the constant irritating coughing..

oh.. a day in the life of boring ol' joy...

I am PiSsed off.
Was supposed to go vic mart shoping with Jan
And just before we left at 11.30,
She came over to my room
And sweetly FFKed me to go for lunch with dearest bf.

WHAT THE.
Last min!!
When I’ve changed and everything!!!
Excuse: “ Is nearly 12 what! Time for lunch!”
What THE!!!!

Left, right and centre around me, all the singletons have been bemoaning their singleness and wanting to find a guy..
And it has NEVER hit me.
I’m just happy. Being where I am
But now.
I just want SOMEONE.
Not to be picked up, or dated.
Forget the roses and chocolates and expensive dinners
JUST GOING WITH ME TO VIC MART IS ENOUGH.

What abt friends u ask?
Well I’ve considered the options.. and no, they are either still sleeping or out already anyways.

WAH LAU!
I don’t care.
I’m going out by myself anyway.
Ciaos.

i'm so tired now.. i can't be bothered saying much..

have to attend 9 exercise classes this week..
AND conduct one..
which is making me extremely sore..
all out of breath..
red in the face
and wanting a looong sleep.

I have new found respect for fitness instructors now..
do u know how blardee hard it is to even coordinate a ten min aerobic exercise routine.. with proper cueing so everyone gets the moves.. with the moves fitting the music perfectly.. with having to do the "mirror image" thing so pple can follow you... and shout " to the LEFT NOW!" while moving to the right..
while acting all excited.. happy and enthusiastic and NOT forgetting the whole routine in your head??

and multipy that by 6 for a full hr routine.

and having to practice over and over and over to the same retro songs for 3 hours straight.. i'm SICK of that beat.. i'm sick of " being guilty of love in the first degree.." and whatever else..

Thank God for Jay Chou.. i need a break frm english songs..
oh. just tried out 1 min of my routine on Jan.. and she is SO uncoordinated... in her words" I can't do aerobics! I think i have arm and leg dyslexia.. and tongue dyslexia too.."
Er.. Jan.. medically speaking.. that just doesn't sound right.. but we get what u mean..

OK... my eyes are tired...
my knees are aching..
and my friends want TWO days of tennis this wkend???
I dun think its happening...

oh yawns
my sleep pattern is SO screwed these 2 days..
been going to bed at 3/4am and waking up at 11(!!) which is VERY unlike me..

anyway.. physio ball.. it was good!

Check list:
1) lots and lots of finger food downed: check
2) 2 shots: check
3) 3 spirits: check
4) food: pretty good compared to last year
5) Music: went frm GREAT to Ok.. to.. Er.. lets sit out this dance
6) Dancing: Fun.. and well.. lets say thats a whole other story... *grin*

Had everyone i wanted to ever be with on our table this year..
tho its been the same place for FOUR years...it was memorable..
we ALWAYS got pushed in a table in the back corner past 3 years.. and this yr, we got a really good table right in front and nx to the dance floor!!! perfect.

everyone looked so lovely.. after all the girls stressing out abt dresses and the "whatareYOUgoingtowear?!? " questions.

i realise i have a problem.
i'm always attracting cheekopeks.
i dun understand.
what signals do i give that tell guys " Hey! feel free to grope!" ?????
drunk guys.. maybe.. i understand.. which brings me back to point 5.

extremely- good-dancer-angmoh-guy pulled me up frm my seat for a dance.. and he was spinning me ard so much i was losing my balance in my high heels if not for his holding onto me...
WHICH gave him more reason to have his hands all over..
what is NOT ok is trying to kiss me. (But i must say my avoidance skills are pretty good ..heh heh)

NOT giving my first kiss to a drunk guy on the dance floor whose name i don't even know. Thats gross. I have my standards ok. Extremely basic: i mustKNOWyourname dah-ling.

What he did though.. was open my eyes to having a good dance partner that really knows how to lead a girl confidently. Now. Thats cool. I wanna learn dancing!!like ball room! with someone fun and not afraid to hold a girl .. unlike ALOT of guys in.. erm.. i shall not mention where..

As we left.. there was this tinge of sadness.. the day we had been looking forward to the past week was now over... and just looking around the ballroom.. with 4 years worth of memories.. of the different people.. and knowing it will never happen again with all the same people made it so bittersweet.

To remember the days.. of just.. craziness.. to be young.. and carefree.. and to seemingly have the world-at-your-feet. This snapshot in time is just amazing.. and yet incredibly sad.. knowing it will never be forever, that its essence is as fleeting as perfume.. lingering for moments after.. then vanishing slowly in the passage of time...

i want to never forget being young.
I still want to laugh when i'm 70 and in a nursing home..
and remember the days when i promised to race down the corridors on hot pink four wheel frames.. and compare continence bags.. and be grouchy old ladies to young physios telling them " You don't know what its like to be OLD!"

All of a sudden.. i miss my coursemates lots..
As i was telling gretel.. there is almost every part of the body we have touched/groped with each other.. name it.. been there..
Knowing them so well.. even their little aches.. stiffness, injuries.. and interesting anatomical variations.. its funny.

Shit. I hate being this reflective. It makes me sADd. Which i know alway means one thing. i'm PMSING!! Hiaks.

shit.
been SO hungry lately.
I KNOW its winter.. or nearly..
but i HATE being so hungry!! youstupidstomach.

having nearly double breakies/lunches/dinners these days..
the word CONTROL has flown out of the window.
i'm ravenous.
and yummmmy 40% chocolate chips Arnotts Premier chocolate chip cookies aren't helping either. And mini cheezels.

Lucky for the weekly tennis!! to stop me frm transforming further into an extremely fat blob. (due to my extremely lousy skills.. spending half my time picking up balls.. ) and extremely patient guys who get cold playing with us cos we are not hitting HARD enough... they walk to return a serve! WALK!! arghs.

I'm improving ok.
really.
Now.. when's the skiing happening??? hmm..

Physio Ball tommorrow!!

Dressed to get lei'd . Ha. What a theme. (well for those still clueless.. its Hawaiian lah). U know.. like.. Leis...

Starting to get excited!!

Dress: check
Accessories: check
Bag: check
Shoes: check
Big flower in hair: check

Since its final year ball.. the 4th years are extremely determined to have FUN with a capital F.
Which translates into a minimum of (my friends and I agreed):

2 shots
3 vodka mixes
copious amounts of white wine and orange juice.
a hilarious time on the dance floor with blasting music doing the " ultrasound dance" as made up by Jae in 2nd year..
Lauren (the aussie) exclaiming "eh SIAO lah!" with her CMI singaporean accent
stabbing my 3 inch heels into someone else's foot HARD. (satisfaction for 3 years of getting stepped on.. Will try to aim for a certain Ms A that killed Gretel's foot for a week after last yr's ball..)
an after party if the mood is good...
watching everyone else get extremely high/drunk and hitting on fellow physios that would normally never happen. (its a once a year thang)


Ah. Uni balls.
That period of young adulthood that only happens once in a lifetime.
Party ON!!!!

i DON'T KNOW.

just hit me its like.. 7 mths to the end of the year...
and i don't know what i wanna do with my life..
itallseemstoofast.

Got the talk on upcoming interviews.. medical insurance.. preparing CVs.. salary prospects..
city hospital.. metropolitan.. rural?
community based?
working overseas?
electives... graduation..
and its HIT ME. NOW.

I wanna bury my head in the sand and not know.
I got a zillion assignments now i'm in theroy block, which isn't helping..

I feel like.. arghs.
Met A today.. while walking to physio school.. was abit of a surprise to see him.. but apparently, the eng students had a lec there..
and he noticed me first..
me.. oblivious in my own world.. only looking at the road 2m in front of me.. (and very blind.. heh heh)
and he had to call me.. like.. twice (deaf too..)

Hearing his voice... i dunno. la.
don;t know what i want either. don't know what to feel.
being all grumpy.. irritated and confused inside.
And i know its all ME

Joy is NOT NOT happy. (what an oxymoron).

i'm happy happy happy..

just a quiet, contented cannotaskanythingmore from God..
just in that aboslute peace... and thanksgiving...
happy to be where i am..
where everything is going..
In what has been asked..
In what is given..
In relationships..
In life...

Oh.. i am so boring now...